No good at this blogging thing

The funny thing about this world is that it’s gotten too big.  Facebook!  Instagram!  Pinterest!  News service that shows you (in a 24-hour loop) just how craven our fellow human beings can be!  Starvation!  Neglect!  CEOs that look like Gary Bussey telling women they’re not thin enough for their brand!

Am I actually satisfied?  After my time on Facebook reading all the intimate details about people you barely knew in highschool and are now a “friend”?  Is there a reconnection now, even though there wasn’t one 5/10/15/20 years ago?  After viewing yet another before and after where people hem and haw over 3 shades of gray paint?  After reading, in excruciating detail, someone’s success at having conceived a child?  Am I satisfied with my life after who knows how many hours being an office chair voyeur?  Did I delude myself into thinking these people are my flesh and bone friends?

My honest answer?  No.  If anything I’m more dissatisfied.  If I added it up–if I actually knew how many hours I spent on the internet–I’d be ashamed.

So I ditched my personal Facebook profile and I’m seriously considering losing my Facebook business page, too.  I now get to decide what I want to see, or hear, or feel.  It’s like olden times.

When I hit the “deactivate account” button, I felt actual relief–not in the hyperbolic sense, either.  I no longer read things that make my blood pressure rise like an incoming tide, I suddenly really do have time in my day to get out in the yard and dig my hands in the clay-heavy dirt.  I have time to be with my thoughts and feelings and emotions, instead of occupying my mind with what someone else said.  Holy shit, y’all: it’s downright liberating.

And here I sit.  I get the irony–it’s ham-fisted and walloped me right upside the head.  But those sentences up there?  Therein lies the rub.  The fact of the matter is that–for now–I’m a business, so I need to have a “virtual presence”.  I struggle with this.  I am, by nature, a very introverted person:  I could go days (weeks, really) without seeing another human being and I’d be perfectly happy with it.  My home is my favorite place to be, especially if I have a few good books to read and an I.V. port for mainlining coffee.  I haven’t decided if I want to continue with commissioned work or wander down the road of gallery showings.

I don’t know.

What I DO know is that I take pictures.  I also know that I really don’t mind if I only have the occasional stranger stumble onto this sadly neglected blog.

I think they call this whole situation Cognitive Dissonance.

And since today marks the first “official” day of Summer Vacation:

 

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