The funny thing about this world is that it’s gotten too big. Facebook! Instagram! Pinterest! News service that shows you (in a 24-hour loop) just how craven our fellow human beings can be! Starvation! Neglect! CEOs that look like Gary Bussey telling women they’re not thin enough for their brand!
Am I actually satisfied? After my time on Facebook reading all the intimate details about people you barely knew in highschool and are now a “friend”? Is there a reconnection now, even though there wasn’t one 5/10/15/20 years ago? After viewing yet another before and after where people hem and haw over 3 shades of gray paint? After reading, in excruciating detail, someone’s success at having conceived a child? Am I satisfied with my life after who knows how many hours being an office chair voyeur? Did I delude myself into thinking these people are my flesh and bone friends?
My honest answer? No. If anything I’m more dissatisfied. If I added it up–if I actually knew how many hours I spent on the internet–I’d be ashamed.
So I ditched my personal Facebook profile and I’m seriously considering losing my Facebook business page, too. I now get to decide what I want to see, or hear, or feel. It’s like olden times.
When I hit the “deactivate account” button, I felt actual relief–not in the hyperbolic sense, either. I no longer read things that make my blood pressure rise like an incoming tide, I suddenly really do have time in my day to get out in the yard and dig my hands in the clay-heavy dirt. I have time to be with my thoughts and feelings and emotions, instead of occupying my mind with what someone else said. Holy shit, y’all: it’s downright liberating.
And here I sit. I get the irony–it’s ham-fisted and walloped me right upside the head. But those sentences up there? Therein lies the rub. The fact of the matter is that–for now–I’m a business, so I need to have a “virtual presence”. I struggle with this. I am, by nature, a very introverted person: I could go days (weeks, really) without seeing another human being and I’d be perfectly happy with it. My home is my favorite place to be, especially if I have a few good books to read and an I.V. port for mainlining coffee. I haven’t decided if I want to continue with commissioned work or wander down the road of gallery showings.
I don’t know.
What I DO know is that I take pictures. I also know that I really don’t mind if I only have the occasional stranger stumble onto this sadly neglected blog.
I think they call this whole situation Cognitive Dissonance.
And since today marks the first “official” day of Summer Vacation: